You're searching the Internet because you fear you could be a victim of the dreadful HIV virus. Like you, I have been doing the same since August 3, 2009 when I unexpectedly had sex with an unknown female. This was my first experience with "after-club" sex, as I like to live a respectful, clean life. However, on this night the drinks for flying and this woman was just seducing me upon no return.
I'm 21 years old and I later found out that this woman was 32, after the fact. I could have sworn she was around the same age range of myself, but that wasn't the case. I was drunk and she was drunk, but that doesn't change anything, we still had sex. She assured me that she was STD-clean, meaning no sexually transmitted diseases were going to come my way, nor HIV.
Everytime I've had sex in the past though, it's been with a girlfriend, and I've only been sexually active with three woman. This stranger woman though would be considered my fourth individual encounter. During the sex, we had intercourse through her vagina. No anal was performed, I never do that. I DID NOT perform oral, but she did to me with no condom. I must stress that I used a condom during intercourse though.
During the sex, we also made out - yes tongues in each other's mouths. Why is this important? I'll get to that later.
Anyhow, after the night was over, I started freaking out like I never have before. Any alcohol in me had seemed to completely vanish because of my disappointment in what I had done. I immediately went to my bathtub and just scrubbed myself with a lot of soap and showered with hot water to basically disinfect myself of any germs I may have attained. Of course, that won't prevent an STD though.
So I began reading the Internet after this and the symptoms of HIV began to show up for me. As I read each symptom, they began to develop for me. First I thought maybe I had a yeast infection, then hepatitis, and then HIV. It just kept getting worse and worse.
The first two weeks after my sexual encounter on August 3, I became EXTREMELY constipated. I felt the need to release my stools, but couldn't. I would sit on the toilet for an hour or so it felt, with nothing released. My abdomen became very tight with sharp pains. I think I could feel the stool sitting inside my gut. I was also very bloated. All this because of either my fear of attaining an STD like HIV, or because I really was developing a disease of that sort, I don't really know.
To fix this, I eventually took some laxatives and everything returned to a satisfactory level. My stools didn't look the same though and they still don't look totally normal.
In September, I went on a roadtrip and got really sick with the flu as everyone thought. However, no one else around me caught the virus I had, it was just me.
My "flu" consisted of things like a high fever, severe night sweats that I've never had before, headaches like never before, pain behind my eyes like never before, nausea, the feeling of fainting when I stood up from sitting and sheer weakness. I then read about HIV and realized that these symptoms matches to this deadly virus. So I began panicking.
In October, my sister caught the H1N1 Swine Flu, which of course came to me after. I was ready for it though this time. It wasn't unexpected like my September "flu," but this time it felt even worse and I was worse off than my sister. She always gets sick and I tend to never ever get sick, even if my whole family gets sick. I've always had a strong immune system, but this time the swine flu took a toll on me, which somehow led me to believe that I do have this HIV virus.
After my swine flu experience, I continued reading about the possibilities online and I began developing red eyes in the white part of my eye. It became a permanent thing for me. I'm not quite sure if red eyes are a symptom of HIV, but I often times would be up late on my computer searching for symptoms and such. So I would get maybe 5-6 hours of sleep each night and wake up early for school. So that could be it because the red eyes of dissipated for the most part when I get more sleep.
However, this month in November I have a new development and it's a white tongue. To be more specific, I get white blotches on the backend of my tongue, closer to my throat. I often feel like I have to swallow more often than not, maybe because I'm focusing on that? I have read that white thrush is a symptom of HIV and I've already been three months after my last sexual encounter, so is this a possible sign of HIV? I'm not sure.
When I brush my teeth at night, I brush my tongue and the whiteness returns the next morning on the backend. If I don't brush my tongue for a few days, the whiteness creeps further down to the middle (closer to the tip but not close to the tip at all - just to give you a visual perception of location). Last night, I only had 3 hours of sleep because I was studying hard for a final exam for one of my courses and woke up with a sore throat. Again, I worry it could be HIV. I try not to be nervous or build any anxiety for this, but it just happens. I've never been a person full of anxiety or stress, but these past three months have been the hardest for me and I sometimes think if I do have this virus, I'm scared of what I may do to myself if that were the case. Regardless, I could never hurt myself too severely as I am a Christian who firmly believes in God. It's just scary to get in that mindframe though.
Besides that, I am just hoping I don't have this HIV virus. I keep telling myself I don't have it and occupy myself with activities and when I do, I feel fine. Once I start thinking about it though, I start feeling the symptoms again and right now my white tongue and sore throat are the worst feelings because it directs to symptoms of HIV.
I am just hoping it's paranoia and that everything is okay. If someone told me the only way I can be HIV-negative is to give up sex for the rest of my life, I can do that! I want to live a very long life and make a positive change in this world, but I know I can't do that as passionately if my own life is a downer with a diagnosis like HIV.
Things I look at most to keep track of symptoms are:
- reoccurring white tongue - been going for the past 2 weeks now
- reoccurring stomach cramps - here and there since August 3
- reoccurring intestine movements - here and there since August 3
- reoccurring soft/broken down stools and indigestion - this one never seems to end
- reoccurring night sweats - here and there
- reoccurring red eyes - here and there
- fatigue - probably because I don't get enough sleep, but it is a symptom
- anxiety - because of my fears here
- constipation - here and there
It's also interesting to point out that my stools will sometimes display white spots, black spots, recognizable foods like entire leafs of spinach and whatnot.
So that's my story. Compare it to your experiences and knowledge of this area and get back to me if you can. I would appreciate any informative explanations of beliefs regarding what I may be suffering from, as well as hearing about your similar stories.
All I can hope for is to continue loving myself during the course of life, no matter what is thrown in my way. Everyone can lose there interest in me, but I have to remember to not forget about myself and we all have to remember that. Take care of yourself and don't let yourself get into these types of situations. I know I never will again.
Life's a lesson but we only get one chance.
Thanks.
